The Theatre Lab

For further information on any of the scripts listed, please contact Theresa Flais Scripts are $10 each. Royalties for each show are listed below.

Rehearsal From Hell

written by Theresa Flais

A Theatre Lab comedy/audience participation mystery performance written by Theresa Flais. Rehearsal From Hell is a Theatre Lab original from 1998. The play within a play takes place over a day of rehearsal for the new production of “A Calculated Comeback”. Our play begins as RJ and Joan, the director and writer of “A Calculated Comeback”, try to figure out how to resuscitate their dying careers. Both feel as though this project is “do or die”, not only professionally but personally. They decide that they need a few big name stars to work on this project in order for it to bring in crowds. But because of being known as “faded stars” no one wants to work with them. Their agent discovers that famed action star, Dirk Dakota, is looking for a project that is more “serious” than his normal routine. The agent tells RJ and Joan that Dirk would like to take on the part to broaden his acting skills. Next we discover that Stephanie Carrington has signed on as well. Stephanie is an over-dramatic, overemotional Soap Opera/B movie queen who, like Dirk, needs to educate herself on the finer skills of acting. To finish off the cast, and because they can’t seem to find anyone else, RJ and Joan hire Olive. Olive is far from being a good actress. Olive is eager to please but can be quite annoying at times. She is pigeonholed as an actress because of some of the characters she has played in commercials and she would like to break free from being stereotyped. Throughout the course of the rehearsal, RJ’s cool and calm demeanor begins to unwind. He begins his descent by humiliating, belittling, and threatening the actors as well as the stage hands and hired help (the audience). Come and see how this play takes some crazy twists before the outrageous ending. Doug Hoehn from Columbus Alive (September 1998) calls Rehearsal From Hell, “A hoot!” “This theatrical murder incorporated puts the “f-word” back into the proceedings…by that, I mean, we all have FUN!”

• Rated PG for some minor language
• Characters: 6 (2 men and 2 women 1 character could be either gender)
• Price: 125.00 for first show/$75.00 each additional show.
• Contract required

Ob-la-di-Ob-la DEAD!

written by Theresa Flais

(English accent required for production) If you like The Beatles…you’ll love this one! Billed as an audience participation/sing-along. This Theatre Lab original, written by Theresa Flais in 1997, first performed as Revolver in 1998, is a comedy/mystery set in an English auction house. While the guests (the audience), are invited to bid on an original, never-before-seen, hand-written manuscript … a collaboration of music and religious theories by the Fab Four. But HELP! is soon needed when the crazy cast of characters arrive. We discover Mr. Kite the wealthy, shrewd businessman who is running the auction, has something devious up his sleeve. Is he planning on auctioning the manuscript or stealing from each guest? Albert Lane, a museum curator, is the ultimate British snob in thinking he should get the manuscript for his museum. Desmond Dakota, a wealthy English playboy, wants the manuscript simply because he can’t find enough ways to spend his money. Desmond has brought along his girlfriend of the moment, Sexy Sadie. The “not-so-smart” Sadie isn’t really interested in the manuscript…she just wants Desmond. Sadie is aware of Desmond’s type, but doesn’t care because she wants to marry him for his money. Last is Eleanor Rigby. Eleanor is the ultimate Beatles fan! Eleanor would kill for anything that has to do with The Beatles. Because of her devotion to them, she feels as if she deserves the manuscript.

• Rated PG for language
• Characters: 5 (3 men and 2 women)
• Price: 125.00 for first show/$75.00 for each additional show
• Contract required

Only The Dead Die…Twice

Based on a 1940’s Inner Sanctum radio play. A Casablanca-esque who-dunnit. So sit right down and make yourself…uncomfortable. The story takes place at Mr. Big’s Bar and Grill. Sam Brice, a down on his luck private investigator is a regular at the joint where he conducts his daily business such as receiving his phone messages, like all big city detectives do. Sam desperately needs a client in order to start his own detective agency. Johnnie, the bartender at Mr. Big’s Bar and Grill, is Sam’s side kick, helping boost moral since times are slow in the detective business. Then, in walks Veronica Emerson. Veronica is a mysterious seductress in need of someone with a low profile to help find her missing husband. Who better than Sam Brice? Veronica’s husband, Ralph, is missing…presumed dead. Ralph Emerson, a womanizing playboy is loathed yet envied by all. Many people would want him dead. But who? And where is Vera, the annoying, scatter-brained waitress? Is she late because of the affair she is having? Or has someone discovered her secret? Join us for many twists and turns in this fabulous thriller!

• Rated PG.
• Characters: 5 (2 women and 3 men)
• Length of show: 2 hours
• Price: $125.00 for first show/$75.00 each additional show
• Contract required

Stayin’ Alive written by Theresa Flais

Set in the 1970’s, lots of fun, lots of disco dancing!

• Rated PG-13 for language, some sexual context/innuendoes
• Characters: 5 (3 women and 2 two men)
• Length of show: 2 hours
• Price: $125.00 for first show/ $75.00 each additional show.
• Contract required

Finishing Off Fiona

 written by Theresa Flais

A happy and very wealthy housewife named Fiona Heinzkins is hopelessly addicted to reading murder mysteries novels at home and at her Oprah Book Club meetings. One day, as she is reading her novel, The End of Ellie, she overhears her husband, Edward, discussing seedy plans with his colleague, Reese Simms. To Fiona’s ears it sounds as if her loving husband and Reese have plans to murder her for insurance money. Much to her surprise, her loyal butler, Nettie, is in on it too. Fiona finally discovers that her lawyer, Bobbie, has ideas on murdering her also. When Fiona’s body is discovered everyone begins to point fingers. When Fiona’s body disappears accusations begin to fly! Just when we think this has all been cleared up another discovery is made. If only the rest of the group would have read the ending to the book sooner!

• Rated PG-13 for language and slight sexual content
• Characters: 5 (2 women and 3 men)
• Length of show: 2 hours
• Price: $125.00 for first show/$75.00 each additional show.
• Contract required

Slay It Again, Sam

written by Theresa Flais

One of our funniest holiday productions. Lots of parodied songs that you and your audience can sing along to!

• Rated: PG-13 for language, adult situations, sexual content.
• Characters: 5 (2 men and 2 women and one of the men play duel roles)
• Length of show: 2 hours
• Price: $125.00 for first show/$75.00 each additional show.
• Contract required

ALL SCRIPTS CAN BE ALTERED FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES. 

Please specify when ordering!

Sorority Girl Sleepover

written by Theresa Flais 

 If you liked, "Legally Blonde" and "Sorority Boys" you'll like this one. The sorority sisters of CUTE are holding a "get-to-know-me" sleepover for the other sisters and new pledges. First, we meet Carter. The beautiful president of the house, who is supposed to be everyone's sister but she's really just out to promote herself. Then there's pledge-master, Muffy, who is attending the sleepover because of the true meaning of sisterhood and the free Chanel nail polish gift bag. Next, we have the rush chair, Jordan, who is still upset because her "big" last year bitch slapped her in front of CUTE's founder! Finally, there's the new pledges, Dee-Dee and Elle, who really don't know anything about sororities but they know they like fraternities! Throughout the evening, things get a little ugly due to the announcement that everyone has been with the same guy! Instead of it being a "get-to-know me" night it turns into a sorority girl slaughter! Rated PG-13 for language.

Who Sliced the Cheeseman?

written by Theresa Flais

Billed as one of The Theatre Lab's top five, all time, funniest shows! "Like a piece of Limburger cheese, something doesn't smell right on the Mickey Cheeseman Show." Come see why America's favorite funny man on Must See Tuesday Night TV is a real jerk behind the scenes. Many of Mickey's collegues are fed up with him. Join us for all the hilarious reasons why someone "should" kill him.

 Jamaica Mistaka

written by Theresa Flais

You'll want to dress in your favorite beach attire for this one! Beach Balls are welcome! The story takes place at a two star beach resort in Jamaica. The audience members are the vacationers who witness chaos and mayhem first hand, while sipping on their specialty drinks! Join us, along with our lovable cast of characters, as they fumble their way through life, music, sex, and alcohol!

Homicidal Hillbillies

written by Theresa Flais 

The show takes place on the cable access set of The Happy Hillbilly Game Show in Black Snake, Kentucky. The game show is known as a cross between Who Wants to Be a Millionaire meets The Weakest Link meets NASCAR. And, when six feuding hillfolk get tossed into the mix it makes it for a more interesting show. First we have Magnolia Shelby, the host of The Happy Hillbilly Game Show. Magnolia's hoping that the publicity from the show will get her noticed for a more "classy" gig, like the new Hee-Haw. Then we meet The Hoopies.

There's the obnoxious pa, Billy Bob, who wants to win because he needs a new tractor. Then there's the sweet ma, Crystal Jean, who is dying to start her Lawn and Duck Ornament business. Rounding out the Hoopie family is son, Gus whose big dream is to be a Chippendale Dancer.

Next we meet The Boogman's. The matriarch is Perditty Janeen Boogman.  Ditty's really there just for the consolation prizes.  Ditty's second cousin, Le-roy and her daughter, Davenna, have a secret their about to divulge, and the prize money sure would come in handy.

As the show progresses, neither family appears to be getting any closer to the grand prize. The Boogmans and the Hoopies take matters into their own hands to determine a winner. In the process, one of the kin folk get bumped off. Join The Theatre Lab for a hog-slapping good time! Bring along your cowboy hats! The audience will receive new names/nametags before the show so they can participate as our kinfolk. **Please note that the show contains adult humor/language. PG-13

Sweet Revenge

written by Theresa Flais

It all starts with the Bake-Off of the year and only four contestants left. These four finalists have more than just confections in their cupboards; each seem to have a burning desire to give the Judge more than he's bargaining for. We discover each contestant has a "battered" opinion of the Judge… to put it sweetly. It begins with Laverne Peabody (Theresa Flais), the pushy, "holy-roller" from Minnesota. Laverne is asked to be in charge of the competition and to hire someone to judge it. She asks the grumpy, old, town judge, Judge Theodore J. Hargrove (Michael Jolley) to do her a favor and judge the contest for charity. Judge Hargrove is less than thrilled to judge the competition because he hates sweets and people! Laverne keeps the contest in order all the while tempting to "wisk" the Judge away with her "Better than Sex" Cake. The next contestant, Scooter Johns (Theresa Flais), the flirtatious gal from the South, attempts to get a "rise" out of the Judge with more than just her creamy, Fudge Brownie. Scooter is very upset with the Judge for trying to close down her nail salon and she will do whatever it takes to convince him not to. The next contestant, Edna Ballone (Karen Mason) and the Judge used to be an item at one time. But something the Judge did to Edna didn't "mix" very well with this shy, town Librarian. Once Edna saw the Judge's true colors, she dropped him like a hot pan. Edna wants to make sure the Judge does not forget that he "iced" one of her cats years ago. Finally, Elizabeth Mason the in town wants to knock the Judge's socks off with her tantalizing Tiramisu. Elizabeth would really like to know the Judge out of his misery for revoking her driver's license due to her fourth speeding ticket in two months. But Elizabeth has plans to "beat" the Judge at his game! Come and see why this contest turns into more than just a simple taste test of sweet delicacies! Join us for fun, food and desserts! **Please note that the show contains adult humor/language. PG-13